Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
