I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
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A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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