What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize