My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
we're so committed to being not committed
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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