someone threw a dead crab at me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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