I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
