at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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