I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
