i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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