STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
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Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
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I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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