Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Found your dick twin last night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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