I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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