New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
