and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
