i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
