It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
