does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
