i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
