I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
