So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
