You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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