Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got inside last night via doggy door
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
