at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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