we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
