You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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