do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
