I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
