dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
