Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize