hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
