It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
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When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
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My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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