Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
