the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
