8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
