Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize