I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
