Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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