so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
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I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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