it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
