i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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