I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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