I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great