I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
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NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW