I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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