So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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