I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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