I hate your face
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
