he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
