I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
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In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize