My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
