i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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