I skipped work to stalk him.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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